FIREMAN SAM
I love the TV show Fireman Sam. I'm very lucky to have a wide range of children which has meant Fireman Sam has blessed my life many times over. I'm also blessed to have a younger brother who was just the right age when the first series came out – when everyone was fuzzy and there was an Italian lady called Bella Lasagne. All in all, I think Fireman Sam has been in my life for almost all of it.
In fact, I reckon I have seen every episode at least ten times and I could probably write a PhD on the subject.
I do however, have quite a few problems with Fireman Sam.
I don't know if you've noticed but there are actually only about five or six people who live in Pont-y-Pandy and yet there is a fire or other emergency, almost every day. It must be impossible to get home insurance.
Has there ever been a flood in the village where you live? Yes.
Has there ever been a forest fire? Yes.
Out of control go-cart? Yes.
All of the above? Yes.
And of course, you may have noticed that there is one person who causes 90% of all the emergencies in the village: Naughty Norman.
If it wasn't for Naughty Norman, Pont-y-Pandy wouldn't even need a fire station. Fireman Sam would have to commute to Newtown every day and the villagers could relax. If it wasn't for Norman messing about with a magnifying glass, leaving gates open and lighting candles where he shouldn't, the village would be a calm place with no emergencies at all.
My other half however is – amongst other things – a SENDCO expert and she says that Norman should definitely be assessed, almost certainly needs an EHCP and shouldn't be branded as Naughty Norman at all. He should be called Norman With Unmet Needs.
Something else I've noticed over the years and episodes is that whoever writes Fireman Sam has started running out of ideas for fires. In the early days it went like this:
DILYS
Oh no. My refrigerator is on fire.
I'd better phone Fireman Sam!
CUT TO:
TREVOR
Oh no. Norman has overloaded the Christmas lights
and the electrics have gone on fire.
I'd better phone Fireman Sam!
CUT TO:
NORMAN
Oh no. An ice skating penguin has somehow gone on fire!
I'd better phone Fireman Sam!”
But now they have done every possible cause of fires, they are resorting to other sorts of emergencies. Emergencies that really shouldn't involve the Fire Service at all.
NORMAN
Oh no. The twins are lost in the mountains.
I'd better phone Fireman Sam!
No. You don't need Fireman Sam for that. You want to phone Mountain Rescue. Those guys train every other weekend for this sort of thing.
ELVIS
Oh no. Sam's brother Charlie is lost at sea.
I'd better phone Fireman Sam!
No. I don't think so. You'd be better off contacting the Coastguard. They have boats and other suitable equipment that Firefighters have no experience of!
Soon, there will be episodes like this:
DILYS
Oh no. I've nearly run out of tomato ketchup.
I'd better phone Fireman Sam!
CUT TO:
NORMAN
Oh no. I've got a slightly itchy leg.
I'd better phone Fireman Sam!
CUT TO:
TREVOR
Oh no. I have to do my tax return.
I'd better phone Fireman Sam!
And finally – have you ever noticed the names of all the vehicles in Fireman Sam?
At first it was just Jupiter, the fire engine. Then they introduced Venus which is kind of truck. Neptune the jet-ski. Saturn the Drone. Etc.
All the planets of the solar system.
But they've left one out, haven't they? The writers have Fireman Sam did not create a vehicle called Uranus.
And I wonder why not?
Imagine if Fireman Sam had a fire engine called Uranus. That would make for some very unfortunate bits of dialogue.
ELVIS
Should I come and help you with
the hoses, Sam?
SAM
No, Elvis. You stay at the station
and concentrate on polishing Uranus.
CUT TO:
PENNY
What's that terrible smell, Sam?
SAM
Well, I'm sorry to say that
Uranus has broken down.
CUT TO:
NORMAN
Quick Sam. There's a cat stuck up
a tree again.
SAM
Don't worry Norman.
We'll use the ladder in Uranus.
Please feel free to send me your suggestions for new Fireman Sam dialogue involving the new engine.
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